I can’t forget
But, I can try to forgive
In my own time,
I will survive
The emptiness inside.

I do remember the good
More than the bad
But Still
I’m mad.

It will take time
For the relief that I need
Because the energy you gave me
Planted a seed

That I’m worth more than what you can presently give.
Thank You for giving me the wisdom to live.

Weekend Stuff

I had a great weekend.

Saturday: I had an enjoyable time with fellow blogger, Mr. Harris. We went out to dinner in Times Square and discussed everything from politics to church to relationships. Because of Frank's Review, we ended up checking out Hanifah Walidah, one woman show, Black Folks Guide to Black Folks. The show was off the HOOK! She is truly a talented writer and performer.

Afterwards we didn't want to go home, so Mr. Harris and I checked out three movie theaters to find out that Saw 2 had been sold-out. Fortunately, Redd told me about a new Saturday party called Bonafide. It was the promoters first night and we were the first to arrive. I felt like a dork, LOL! After drinking a couple of glasses of Jack & Coke, I was enjoying the people who walked into lounge. I saw a few acquaintences, but I didn't dance at all. That's not normal for me! I was extremely tired and was going to church in the morning, so we ended up leaving at 1am and by then the party was packed. Bonafide is my new Saturday spot! Oh yeah, when we were exiting the club, Sister Eva Pigford, last season's Top Model, was entering. I was so madd, I didnt' get a chance to dance with her, LOL! She looked flawless, and had the nerve to be taller than me, LOL! (she had heels on)

Sunday: I had a church date! Yes, a church date! Actually, a blind church date! We will call this person BNG. BNG and I have been chatting for the past week and we finally decided to meet at my church. BNG is attractive, laid-back, intelligent, witty and very spiritual. After we daparted, I wondered what BNG thought of me. Anyway....

Over the weekend, I had conversations with two special people (bloggers) and I want to say THANK YOU for your friendship!

Tomorrow, "How Momma Got Her Groove Back," an update on my momma's groove thing!

STOLEN

I am not: positive all of the time

I hurt: when I feel that I have failed

I love: The LORD

I hate: being told what to do

I hope: to empower myself and all who I encounter

I regret: Not winning the lottery every time the prize is over 100 million dollars

I cry: when I feel totally alone

I care: about those who are less fortunate

I always: have an opinion (it’s not given all of the time, but I do have one)

I long to: find true and consistent happiness with a significant other

I feel alone: when I’m home and its raining (y’all know it’s been raining to much in NYC, so figure it out, LOL)

I listen: to gospel music when I’m the happiness as well as when I’m at my lowest point (FYI: Kirk Franklin CD new cd Hero is off the chain)

I wonder: if I’ll ever find the love of my life

I hide: well, I try to hide my emotions

I drive: myself insane by over-committing myself

I sing: show tunes fairly well, it’s the g-life in me, LOL

I dance: in front of a 10’ x 8’ mirror in my room practically everyday

I write: at least 30 emails a day

I breathe: super silently when I’m relieving myself by myself, hehehe

I play: with... I was gonna say something nasty, but I won’t!

I miss: someone that entered and exited my life this summer

I search: for financial prosperity

I say: "Thank You Jesus” all of the time

I feel: grateful for all of the blessing that I have, am and will receive

I succeed: when I'm confident

I fail: at finding someone to hug and kiss on the regular (hint: bloggers find me somebody, LOL)

I dream: that someday, I won’t be judge by the color of my skin nor my sexuality, but by the Content of my character

I sleep: in a T-shirt

I want: to be best friends with Oprah and to be the heir to her estate.

I worry: about not succeeding my life’s goals

I have: a dark side that is not shown to many

I give: good... I wanted to say something else nasty but, I’m not, LOL (you can tell a brotha isn’t.. I’ll stop)

I fight: the system in order for our people to progress

I wait: to have my own family

I am: truly blessed

I think: about solutions that are needed in the urban community all of the time.

I can't: concentrate on one thing for more than thirty minutes

I stay: in a one-family house with three of my frat brothers

I tried: to learn Spanish, but it didn't work

I'm mad: when I put a little message box on the right side and only one person sends me a message, LOL (take a hint!)

My Mom is a Cougar!

We all know about Demi and Ashton, now we have my mom and ?

This morning my mother called me, actually awakening me from my sleep. It was ok, because my mom is my homegirl.

The convo went like this:

"Unconquerable, I'm going on a date on Saturday"
MY EYES ARE WIDE OPEN
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm going on a date on Saturday, I tried to tell you about him, but you quickly dismissed him."

So, I started asking questions about him.. like if he had kids, what he did for a living, etc. So, I finally ask her, "how old is this man?"

She says, "Here is the thing! He is 29!'

STOP THE MADDNESS

Background information: I was conceived the first time my mother had intercourse. In fact it was her prom night. (Yeah, I know some TV stuff, LOL!) When I was in kindergarten my mom married my brother and sisters' father. He was mentally and physically abusive to my entire family, especially my mother. It took my mother ten years to conquer her battered woman's syndrome (this is real and I hope to post on this topic.) Currently, all of my siblings are in college (my brother graduated HS in June.) She still continues to work six days a week as a CNA and is a full-time nursing student; I must mention she made the dean's list last semester. My mother is the most consistent person in my life. I am very proud of her, just like she is extremely proud of me. My mom has shown me unconditional love in its truest from, the bond between a mother and son. She has an Unconquerable Soul.

Today:

My mom has not been on a date since her divorce back in '95. So, this is different for me! Mom never gives out her number to anyone, she kindly says "I rather have your number." My mom is a cutie, so I understand that she may get hit on. But, i would have never imagine in a thousand years that she would tell me that she is going on a date. Well, after much consideration over the past two hours. I'm happy for her!

BBBBBBBUUUUUUTTTTT!

I saw the beginning of the Tyra Banks Show Monday, and the topic was older women that date young men. They call them Cougars.

So, does she have to go on a date with a man that is 13 years her junior? She could have been his mother (SHUT UP! YES, SHE COULD). My brother told her she couldn't go. His 18-year-old azz really thinks he is going to stop her. Well, I know I can, but I'm going to let her go with the flow. If she goes on three dates with this man, I must meet HIM. POINT BLANK!

Momma's First Date! Hmmm! This could get interesting! Hopefully, he has some money to get me an Ipod for Christmas, LOL!

Surviving the System


"I am confident enough to say to all of you today that if the death penalty is objectively investigated, it will be exposed for what it is- a racist, inhumane and disproportionately allocated system used primarily for poor people. I don’t know about any of you, but personally, I can’t name one millionaire or billionaire on death row. Can you?"

It's simple, I don't believe in capital punishment!

On December 13, 2005, the execution of Stanley "Tookie" Williams will take place. As a teenager, Tookie founded the notorious gang called the Crips (fyi, the gang sporting the color Blue). Tookie has been incarcerated for the pass 23 years for the murders of four people. During this time, he has published his autobiography and children’s books discouraging violence, which lead to a nomination for the Nobel Peace Prize for Peace and Literature.

If you don't know anything about Brother Williams please watch Redemption the movie, starring Oscar winner Jamie Foxx. His story of redeeming himself is truly inspirational.

There is a system in America that holds back the black community from uniting and supporting each other. Whether you believe me or not, there is a reason why to many of us are incarcerated, unemployed and still living with the Willie Lynch syndrome. It takes people like Brother Williams to testify his triumphant voyage of "redemption," to assist with the deliverance of our young black youth.

I cannot ignore the fact that Brother Williams have ended many lives, but I can respect him for sincerely apologizing and working towards changing the lives of people, who are engaging in the same activity that he did as a youngster. There are many men who work our street corner that need to know there is another way.

I admired Tookie for reflecting on his past and changing it to empower himself to survive the system. This Man looked in the Mirror!

"I pray that one day my apology will be accepted. I also pray that your suffering, caused by gang violence, will soon come to an end as more gang members wake up and stop hurting themselves and others. I vow to spend the rest of my life working toward solutions." ~Tookie

Rosa Parks shall not be moved!

We know the story. One December evening, a woman left work and boarded a bus for home. She was tired; her feet ached. But this was Montgomery, Ala., in 1955, and as the bus became crowded, the woman, a black woman, was ordered to give up her seat to a white passenger. When she remained seated, that simple decision eventually led to the disintegration of institutionalized segregation in the South, ushering in a new era of the civil rights movement.
~Time Magazine

I am truly mourning the death of Sister Rosa Parks. She was a black woman who said a silent and distinct NO to the system, and that is a courageous act. I often wondered if she truly knew that her small, yet significant actions would initiate the civil right movement, leading with the Montgomery Bus Boycotts.

It's amazing that she lived to be 92 years old and her story is still often told. Yet, so many of us forget how segrated this country was 50 years ago. We come a long way, but we have a long way to go.

Sister Parks proves a single person can make a big difference and one doesn't have to be a person with a big voice to have a big impact.

Sister Rosa Parks, your story will live on!

When a Man looks in the Mirror

To love yourself is to accept yourself and no one can define that for you. You just know. It’s one of those AH HA moments that are featured in O – The Oprah Magazine.

It has been a long rough and rocky road on my journey towards full acceptance of myself. As times goes on, I believe most of us change and this evolution sheds light on many things that we didn’t know about ourselves. We visualize the man in the mirror.

For some of us, we tend to avoid looking in that mirror, because there is a big chance that we may see our scars (flaws). This has occurred many times during my life. Unfortunately, some of those scars are for life, while many of them, can be fixed if properly treated.

I suppose there are a few people that are unaware of the wonders of Cocoa Butter. It’s not like magic, when you could apply the lotion once and BOOM the scar disappears. In fact, it takes time to heal, some of those scars(flaws) take longer to heal than others. But, we must also take into consideration that if we do not look at the man in the mirror we can never point out the flaws and tackle them, as God will. If unattended, these scars can spread and affect other parts of our body. (Think about it!) We tend to be victimized by the vernacular remarks that others say to us. “You’re FAT! You’re UGLY! You’re a FAG!” These comments break us down to a point where we start to accept them without even asking ourselves, is it true?

As a black man, I have been called many things. For a long time, I immediately accepted these remarks as truth, and denied myself strength to look in the mirror for myself. Others dictated how I felt at any given moment. Don’t get me wrong; I’m a bad mutha--- shut your mouth---, got my stuff together. I’ve always been an effective leader, but when it came down to it, I was affected by every single comment that was given to me. This just fueled my anxiety, again, denying myself a glimpse of who I truly was.

Surprisingly, some of us will look into that mirror and notice many Beauty Marks, symbolizing our inner and outer beauty. I think sometimes, we wait for someone to give us a compliment in order to envision these Beauty Marks. We even wait for that degree, that promotion or the moment that person at the club we have been watching for months finally approaches us… to know that we are Special. The small praises that have been given to me inspired the faux idea that I knew who I was. These have been my excuses to avoid looking at that man in the mirror.

That waiting period for other opinions can leave us insecure, scared and restless. While unacquainted with who really are, we still continue to avoid looking in that mirror.

My association with someone over the summer planted a seed of fruit to nourish my body’s strength to turn the fyck around and face the mirror. It seems as though; I’ve had my back toward the mirror for a while. I stole split second glances at myself.

This whole year, I have been reaching my turning point. I was rotating like D’Angelo in the “How does it feel” video! (I wish I had that body, lol!) Starting from my back facing the mirror, I slowly turned towards seeing myself. I was scared, frightened at what I may see. As the blemishes cleared my reality and I was able to see me in my entirety, my revelation unveiled strength, gratefulness, love, self-love, spirit, beauty, happiness, new smiles, the past, present and my bright future. At the same time it showed loneliness, fear, anxiety, and envy in a way that taught me where it came from and how I must win those battles.

By viewing the Man in the Mirror, you finally see TRUTH. Your Truth. The vision of yourself is like the Phoenix out of ashes you are reborn. This Truth is realizing that you are not perfect, but accepting and working towards healing your scars (flaws) that can only bring forth the evolution of who you are to become.

After we have explored our nakedness and accepted every good and bad thing about ourselves, we have reached another turning point. We have finally realized we all have an Unconquerable Soul.

An Unconquerable Soul leaves room for fears and disappointment, including some brief relapses, which I’m sure I’ll post about. But, most importantly, the acknowledgment of this Unconquerable Soul increases the amount of hope, dedication and commitment. Gears are shifted towards feeling unbreakable and invincible.

The past couple of months, I have been seriously making moves toward achieving all my present endeavors. I have even been preparing for some future undertakings. Right now, I choose to face adversity, instead of ignoring it. I will gain strength with every trial and tribulation that comes my way. I learned the greatest lesson of my life thus far, MY SELF WORTH!

Since this has been discovered, I am unbeatable! Sho Nuff! I am unbreakable! Sho Nuff! I AM THE UNCONQUERABLE SOUL!

Launching October 21th