The Unconquerable Soul

Though one should conquer a thousand times a thousand men in battle, he who conquers his own self, is the greatest of all conquerors! ~ Gautama Buddha

Monday, July 10, 2006

Top 5 things I'm loving right now...

1. From Top to Bottom by Michael-Christopher. The handsome M-C was in the city a couple of weeks ago for an event hosting by "Seven." Unfortunately, I couldn't make the event, but I discovered that he has written a new book. I orded it immediately! This book definitely provokes dialogue about how the black g-life community assigned sexual roles. I acted like many of the characters at some of my life. This page-tuner will have you examining your own views when it comes to top/bot/vers. PLEASE GO BUY HIS BOOK. Especially before Derrick Book Club special discussion during Pride in the City! It's bound to be hot and heavy!

Devil Wears Prada - I know all of y'all heard about this movie. I LOVED IT. Meryl is hilarious. I went by myself and it was soo funny because I think i was the only black guy out of a hundred movie goers. So you know they knew what is really good, LOL.

SexyBack - I have to admit to something I don't think i've revealed before. But, I love Justin Timberlake. Yes, I'm a dork! But Justified was off the CHAIN. And his lastest single, SexyBack is FIRE! Download it right now! I played it back-t0-back 20 times when I first downloaded it. This song is going to have the kids acting up!

My apartment - Although I'm lite on the furniture.. I'm loving the peace and quiet. It's priceless. I really want to plan a card party before the summer ends.

Testing Negative - I organized an HIV Testing Day in my neighborhood. It was apart of National HIV Testing Day. It was a huge success, a lot of young black brothers and sisters were tested for the first time. My friend and I are going to try to set something up quarterly. Well, I was the last one to get tested. Although I don't partake in high risk activities, I know I do a lil somethin somethin, I'm always neverous about being tested. Thankfully, I tested negative and started doing my hallelujah dance and then the running man.

My Mentor - I have a couple of mentors that advise and encourage me. My mentor I've done the longest probably knows what I'm going through in regards to the racism that I'm experiences from my job search. She actually gave me the heads up of someone that wouldn't mind adding me to his team yesterday. She is a strong black woman that holds me and the community down. I'm soo thankful that I have her in my life.

Endeavor Part II & III (there are four in 06) is coming up in September and I swear to goodness, my ass will be stressed the f-out. But, i'm just excited on what is about to happen. I hope this job comes through first.

Anyhow, I had to write a fluff post.... I didn't want y'all thinking i'm going crazy and depress (well, um, yeah, hehehe). Hope everyone had a good weekend!

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Breathe and Stop.. For Real and Give It All I Got

I can't believe that we are halfway into 2006. So much has happen in a small amount of time. Nonetheless, I'm proud of the many improvements I've made in different areas of my life. I have some stuff I want to get off my chess. Yeah, I know you saying he only blogs when bad stuff happens, well not really but it's like kinda like therapy for me.

Like I told you before, I recently moved into my new place... I'm enjoying the peace and quiet when I'm home. My job hunt is frustrating. Now, I'm not sensitive when it comes to race. But, racism certainly still exist. I don't want to go into details, but those of you that have been a victim of racial prejudice know it's a frustration that only leads to anger. And on several occasions I know I was a victim of the pigment of my skin.

I actually started to drink more heavily. The success of the Endeavor has me stressed. My new place rent has doubled and I'm really worried if I don't get a new job soon my lil savings will be empty by September. I'm being pulled in many directions, attempting to please everybody. I'm failing miserably. The past couple of days there have been moments of crying. First crying to God because I don't know what is going on. Don't get me wrong things are moving forward, but internally I'm not. Then crying because I'm blessed to be who I have grown to be and for all that I have. So, after these cries for help... I feel better because I'm leaning on the victory.

But still... I drank my worries so I can sleep.

My dad is a functional alcoholic. My mother’s ex-husband was also an alcoholic. My grandfather was an alcoholic. And here I am on their path to destruction. People that are close to me would never guess how much I was drinking at home by myself. I don't even think people I spoke online could tell that after 11pm I was drunk. I was truly functional and depressed. So....

For the past couple of days, I've been reading the bible. Seeking direction. (Proverb new living version is off the hook) And as I read Romans 15:1-13 I breathe in the last verse of this passage. So I pray that God, who gives you hope, will keep you happy and full of peace as you believe in him. May you overflow with hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Gladly, at that moment I stopped and felt like God was telling me, "You need to chill out, especially with that drinking. I got you." I swear to goodness! I believe I need confirmation that everything is going to be more than OK. I felted compelled to call a spiritual friend facing similar situations for some much needed discussion on spirituality. As we chatted, I poured out all of the alchol that I had in my fridge.

Apart of me felt guilty about doing some things because I knew better. I guess my faith isn't where it ought to be. But, I’m praying that my trust in God will become stronger…
Site Meter