So, "I'm here"

I'm waiting on a red eye flight from the west coast back east. I arrive a hour ahead of boarding and just found out my six hour flight is leaving two and half hours late. So yeah, I feel liking updating my blog (I love my new phone, lol).

I have written several posts in the same vein as "make me over again" and decided not to post them. Those posts are depressing and don't reflect how I feel most of the time. Anyhow, I've been searching and praying for answers. God has been placing books, tv shows and news articles in front of me that addresses anger amongst black men.

I was watching Gil Noble's program, "Like It Is," last sunday and his guest spoke about as much as we have programs to help develop positive black males we have been able to tackle aggression but not anger. This lead me to begin to look at myself and the frustrated and confused space I've been living in.

Considering that my good out weighs the bad and I can't seem to find the beat of I won't complain, I'm having trouble with expressing my anger. Usually, when things are tough, I cry it out but this year I haven't been weeping my sorrows. The shadows of being pissed off began to appear in my visions which sparked me into being angry with no one to kick, punch, yell, email, smack or curse someone out but myself. Creating a section in my everyday life that is not healthy.

I had lunch with a friend I haven't seen in a long time. We updated each other on what was going on professionally in our lives. This is another young, black and gifted brother. He showed me glimpses of things I've experience recently. As much as I know it is not all about me, I must continuously recognize that I AM NOT ALONE. Our lunch as brief as it may have been brought me pass my state of distress.

On some real shyt, I'm still angry. After attending multiple rallies within the last two weeks against hate, violence, racism and police brutality I'm angry. After looking in the mirror and knowing I can be better I'm angry. Shyt, even thinking about going to work after I land pisses me off. But, its OK... I'm human and I can not use this anger to attack me, my vision and goals.

Like using the principle of sankofa, I must look to the past as I conquer the future. My past says it all! I have the capability and ambition to move forward.

While I was on the west coast, I went to see The Color Purple for the second time. The musical spoke to me differently. When Celie reaches to the point of self-reliance and security which is marked when she tells Mister, "I maybe Black... Poor... And maybe Ugly. I'm here!" I had one of those Oprah Ah Ha moment. Yo, the line as it does in the movie killed my anger emotions softly. I'm here. No matter how imperfect I am. I'm here. No matter how disappointing the world may seem to be. I'm here. No matter how much I fear to fail. I'm still here. I'm here moving forward, knowing the sky is not the limit and reaching for the motha fycking stars!

So look into the sky. It's a bird. It's a plane. Nah, its UNCONQUERABLESOUL!