I have an event that I must take my youth council tomorrow afternoon. So unfortunately, I won't be able to attend Derrick L. Briggs Book Club Story Series. I wanted to share with you something that I wrote on my former blog that still speaks to me today. It was written early March 2005. This is the story I wanted to read.

Penny with a Hole in it.

I have never been in LOVE. I would say I've been infatuated with the concept of being in LOVE. I've been infatuated with some of the men and women I've dealt with even to the point when we would say I LOVE you. To me, infatuation is an overwhelming feeling.

Many times I have been attracted to people just because of their ambition and loving spirit. Most of these people were very similar to me. They had issues. These issues prevented the IN part of LOVE. Issues like the ability to reveal emotion, self-esteem, financial and even spiritual thoughts. Dealing with black men, it is a whole other ball game than dealing with black woman. Much is bottled and sealed up.

It seems everyone I meet has their guard up: the guard that is created by someone that has done them wrong in the past. Instead of nature taking its time, (this is what has been happening to me) I or they do something that messes things up. This year, I'm on this keep it real vibe with the people I am attempting to get it there with aka get in a relationship with. The black man's pride is something I'll probably have to work on with myself and whoever is my partner for the rest of my life.

I believe that true LOVE is unconditional. It's a place where people are accepting of each others’ faults and insecurities. Also, a place where two people meet and share their lives with each other. In Shall We Dance?, (yes, I went to the movies by myself to see this movie) Susan Sarandon’s (my home girl) character says something in essence like this: "we marry someone because they will bear witness of our life." Dang, that is strong. Someone that knows where you’ve been, what you’re doing and where you’re going.

My involvement in numerous things has prevented me in allowing myself to really tell someone about all of the things I'm doing or have done. Moreso, I don't think anyone is really interested in what I do. The LOVE I guess I believe in will surpass all of that what you’re doing to the point when my partner contributes to what I'm doing instead of listening. And this works both ways. I'm ready to make time for someone in my hectic schedule. Ready to come home and have someone to lay with. Ready to argue and all that other stuff.

At last week’s Bible study, my Pastor mentioned that we won't find the perfect LOVER. We have to love someone for who they are, not what they are doing, how much money, what school they graduated from. We all have issues. This drove me to the position to put up with some things I may not like. Because $%^t, I'm not perfect either.

It appears when we pass the oh, so famous stage that John Legend sings about.. you know, "we past that infatuation stage," we see people for who they are and that's imperfect. And the people I've been involved with have had a difficult past. So, let's work on each other. Have that friendship along with that relationship understanding. But, it never gets that far. You know when Renee Zellweger in Jerry McGuire says, "I love him for the man that he is and the man that he is going to become." I stood in the place where I liked him for the damaged man that he is and the healed man he will become.

Revealing one’s self is ideal with beginning something real. I seriously want someone to reveal who they are and I do the same so we can work off of each other. Do that Love Jones thing, "Get Together. Fall Apart. Start Over." So, I'm guessing you may think I'm hopeless like a penny in a hole in it. Lol.

See for me, I like, lust, kiss, hug, and most importantly LOVE hard. And when this is returned, I am unstoppable. But, wait, this hasn't happened to me yet. Nope, but just the idea of one day being IN LOVE puts a smile on my face.